I am both angry and resentful for having ordered an “Eggs Benedict” at Seb’s. Once again looking back at the chain of events this could have been easily avoided. What mistakes were made (again?). Let’s start with the main culprit, my friend Kevin. Although a pretty nice guy, he knows nothing about Eggs Benedict. Therefore I shall place all the blame on him. First, the lure of proximity was in play. Seb’s is located a couple blocks from his place at 592 East Broadway. Second, exotic flavors and substitutions lead him to believe this was a “special” Eggs Benedict.
Running on about 4 hours of sleep of course my Benedict senses had been diminished. All I knew was this place was known for their Eggs Benedict (later discovered to be a bold-faced lie), and after this review I’m sure it will be. WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THIS SHIT ON MY PLATE. I mean, they had three Hollandaise variations including Thai curry coconut, chipotle wild berry and what seemed to me to be stale vomit.
Just what you want to eat hungover. Hollandaise is awesome for a reason, it is egg yolks and butter. Pretty hard to screw up the greatness of both. So technically these dishes are not Benedicts. They are gross eggs-biscuit-sauce monstrosities which do not get the priviledge of a proper name. I am saving a whole paragraph for the biscuits.
Ok, so you offer up weird elk medallions for protein (I played it safe with ham) and replace the Hollandaise with an assortment of sauces your stoned aunt came up with. What else is there to fail at? The pure, plain and knooked English muffin. Sure, replace that with a breakfast biscuit. One which is so dry that you can’t even manage to get the sludge poured on top of it down your throat. Try cramming some soggy and dry potatoes down there right after. I was literally washing this all down with a glass of water. For shame.
I actually felt like I was eating eggs out of a sandbox. This will be the first Benny review that I didn’t even finish. Get me outta here!
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